kghc

There comes a time when we can no longer continue to hide. Can't hide what we've done forever. Whether it was a mistake or not something still happened. What I've just wrote sounds complex but It's not . The less people know, the better right? I'm not so sure about that in this case. You see, I've made some mistakes recently and I don't know if I can hide something this intense. I'm good at hiding everything/keeping things from everyone but this is something you can't hide forever . I screwed up big time. I admit that but I wish it didn't have to change anything. "They fought a lot because they were the biggest hypocrites known to man kind, but my god, they loved each other". I hope that's the case for me . I am a huge hypocrite but I can't help it. Everyday I black out for a minute or so . I get an intense flashback about a tragedy that happened . I've come to the conclusion it's because I never get over something or I bottle it up but I also feel like it's nobodies business and nobody deserves to know because I don't like anyone really, I maybe care about 4 people in this world? It's not that I'm selfish because I don't really take care of myself or care about myself that much I just can't put up with most people. I don't give a shit about anything really. I just need to go out and do something fun and take the edge off ....... legally . Suggestions?

no music just silence.

stupid post

The drama free streak is probably over now. I don't know why this keeps happening to me. The same situations just with different people. Every guy I'm with is the exact same. Just a different face. The same issues and problems. I guess it's my type? I have an ugly past and it's nobodies business but it seems to effect everything still. It's not a matter of moving on or anything because quite honestly I'm over it but other people need to accept it. I come with a lot of baggage. I don't want to be with anyone in that kind of relationship at the moment but it's still okay to fooool arouuuuund . I don't know. Everyone (by everyone I mean a certain person) likes to make a big deal about everything. You can't get mad over things you can't control or things you don't have power over. Relax people. I'm 15 (16 in 2 weeks!) . I've acknowledged my age a few months ago and I act my age. I don't try and be anything else. I'm most certainly not ready for a lot of things and to be honest I don't want to deal with a lot of shit half the time. I just want to go out and do my own thing . Without having to be questioned and overprotected by people who are no longer here. I can handle myself and if not then let me learn. I like doing things on my own. Life isn't a group project .. so leave me alone . Let me fall a few times. Let me get my heart broken. Let me cry. It's a learning experience that I know I can handle. I'm not who I used to be. I'm a lot stronger and less vulnerable and less lost. I just need room to breath and room to grow. Although it's going to be impossible with this extra cautious I have with you . Theres no point of asking questions you already know the answer to. Theres no point of asking questions if you know you won't like the answer. I don't ask because I don't want to know. I'd rather not know than be miserable knowing. No doubt about it I know some horrible things are going to happen. I'm not ready for it but I know it's coming. fml I still don't know how to deal with things but maybe this time will be different. Hold on tight babyyyy its going to be one hell of a ride. *sigh*

shit hits the fan - obie trice ft dr.dre & eminem

nation

Everything I'm about to say is coming from the tip of my tongue and mind. So bare with me! We are surrounded by numbers . Age, birthday, dates, time, weight, height, EVERYTHING . Sometimes those numbers matter and sometimes they don't. The question is .. Are we going to make those number define us for the rest of our lives? I feel like everything has an "expiry" date. Like when your boyfriend tells you he might be moving to the other side of the country. He just put an expiry date on your relationship. I don't think you're allowed to do that. We are constantly working around these numbers and trying to balance them out and make sense of everything and not disturb the numbers. I don't really know where I stand with these numbers we all live by. I'm not really a fan of numbers and math in general but I do my best not to fuck around with the way things in life are. I just want to live. Without the rush and the "expiry" dates. I don't want to have to wrap my life around times of tragedy and love . I'm not milk, I won't go expired :( . As for Halloween I don't know what im doing or what I'm being.

zombie nation - kernkraft 400

lit

Some things end but however they begin again. Although some things just end and never start again. We lose stuff that we will never get back . We find things that change our lifes. Theres a factor of taking advantage of things and just throwing it away. Then theres me. I'm an adolescent who doesn't care. Sooner or later I'm going to have to care, actually we are all going to have to care. "The more I care the better work I do, the more work I do, the more I don't care". This is a decent phase. I don't know.. I like it. The less words we speak, the less problems of conflict we have. The lack of emotion increases the chance of less harm. I'm not apathetic just very neutral. It's not the TR33 talking either, it's just me. I'm not confused about anything anymore either simply because I don't care about anything I can't control anymore. So we'll just have to see where this takes me . Round 2, path 100 . Gotta turn around somewhere righhhhht?

dr. dre ft snoop dogg - still dre

keep on running

Bad news is the worst. Wost part for me is the way I handle it. It's probably my biggest flaw. Although I don't think the people I care about know the effect they have on me. I care for everyone a lot. So much, maybe too much. I worry and I stress out about what they're doing. It's a mystery when they say they've changed their old ways. People rarely change so I don't hold my breath. Love sucks, everything you do effects both 2 people. You and the one who loves you. I don't know what to do anymore. It's gotten to the point where I don't know right from wrong. I just know what I want. What I want is for you to be... safe. I didn't know that was too much to ask. Sad thing is I wouldn't change the past of us because it made some really good times. The bad times are worth it. Just gotta work through it I suppose. I don't want to get use to this. I want a positive change. It's not my job to change people. I thought it was but no, that's their job. I'm backing off now. It's all on you. I'm done with saving people. I need to save myself first. For the first time in a long time I've realized that your problems do not equal my problems. I'll let you do your own thing and we'll see where that leads to ... We'll see where that ends US up. This isn't farewell. Not at all. Maybe a wake up call? I'm not who I was . I'll never be again. Just smarten up and I'll follow your path. I'm always there for you . Always.

"keep on running ... keep on running ... Theres no place like home."

farewell to the fairground - white lies

Talula

What are we supposed to do? After all that we've been through, when everything that felt so right is wrong now that the love is gone ? There is nothing left to prove, no use to deny this simple truth . Can't find the reason to keep holding on. Now that the love is gone.

Love is Gone - david guetta

september is ending

I got a camera finally, september has been awesome here's some pictures, obviously more on my facebook but heres my favorites with my favorite people. So what else should I take pictures of? Also I need new music suggestions. Thank you.

snoop dogg - smoke weed everyday

TBL

Have you guys been watching the beautiful life? Opinions? Personally, I love it but I'm sure you already know why that is. Enjoy your weekend!

no surprises -radiohead

100 nights

I miss my best friends, I'm having withdrawl and I wish certain people would stop doing what they're doing because I don't want to have to visit certain people in jail. I have a lot of heavy stuff coming up. Talking to a 'trained professional' about my life. I'm not much of a talker and I'm not optimistic. I herd a weird quote today, "the character you are is determined by how much you live in regret" Well in that case I must be amazing because I regret a lot of stuff. Although in some ways my life would probably be so different if what happened didn't happen. Everything happens for a reason right? Destiny and fate are on my mind today. I'm not sure if I believe in it or if it's real or if life is just a coincidence. I'd really like to know if I'm a good person. That's always bothered me. How do you know? I want to be, I sure hope I am. I'd like to think so? Ugh I just want to stop thinking about everything . I want to take a vacation from my own mind. Anybody want to trade for a day? I love you guys though.

la la la - lmfao

mission (not) impossible

Hey, remember when I was on some hunt for motivation and what not? Well I think I discovered it. Some stuff happened that kind of triggered some inspiration. I have this saying that is totally stuck in my head " Turn your anger/aggression into passion and turn that passion into ambition" It's kind of cliche I know, but I'm trying to live by it. Sometimes you get those times in life where you feel sort of "stuck" I guess you can say and it makes you think a lot. Comparing yourself to other people and looking down on yourself. I'm just glad it's over. I feel somewhat more confident in general because I feel like there is certain paths I can take now and I just know that I can survive whatever life throws at me. No more avoiding and hiding and being reckless. I think I'm growing up.

zombie - pretty reckless

the sky is the limit

I'm in my first official week of school. I already have a few tests coming up but I think I can get it covered. This is a good month. It's full of fresh starts and new opportunities. Everything that happened over the summer doesn't really matter anymore . We are all kinda back to 'normal' in our place ready for our daily schedules. As for the recent negative comments, I don't quite understand what your doing on my site if you don't like me. If you have personal issues with me well that's kinda awkward because I'm currently not involved with any sort of drama . And if you don't know me at all and just hate my blog then that's more sad then me blogging everyday.

forgive me - crew 1